The Cure for the Fear of Public Speaking: Shift from Ego to Contribution

If you are like most people, you would rather be sitting in a dentist’s chair getting a root canal than standing up on stage in front of a few hundred people giving a speech.

But, if you get good at public speaking you’ll be seen as confident and it will position you as an expert in your field.  You’ll become well respected for your knowledge and, if you have something to sell, you’ll sell more of it.  This works for authors, attorneys, doctors and bloggers – any profession.

That’s why so many professionals give lectures at trade shows.  It gains them new clients.  Six years ago I sat in on a seminar titled Art Licensing 101, given by an attorney.  I was so impressed with her knowledge and her friendly personality that I’ve been using her for legal agreements ever since.

Getting good at public speaking is one of the most important things you can do to advance your career, no matter what you do for a living.

The problem for most of us, though, is that we are more afraid of public speaking than we are of death!  It’s an irrational fear, but it is one that can be overcome, and I should know, because I overcame it.

I was terrified of public speaking most of my life.  It was such a phobia for me that in High School I would rather take a zero instead of giving an oral report.  I was extremely shy as a child and didn’t grow out of it until my early 20’s.  Just talking to people was painful for me.  But I was determined to get over it, because these fears held me back from being who I wanted to be.  I wanted to earn more money, feel confident in crowds and feel okay just being myself.

In my late 20’s I was offered a large promotion at the insurance company in which I worked.  I was excited because it meant a lot more money and life would suddenly get real easy for me.  But there was one problem:  it required me to go out and speak to groups of people.

I accepted the promotion, and I had to get good at public speaking, but I had two very big things standing in my way:  a paralyzing Fear of Public Speaking and a lack of knowledge of how to deliver a good speech.

I have a love affair with money, so I was determined to get over the fear and do well in my new job.  But   it wasn’t until ten years later that I truly overcame the fear.  It was a strong shift in my thinking that cured me, which I will share with you in this article.  I now give seminars and talks to large audiences at trade shows and other events.  And it feels great to have this monkey off of my back once and for all.

The trick is to get a handle on your fear and to learn how to give a good speech.  These two things can be mastered with practice.

Getting Over the Fear

The real reason for your fear is EGO.  Yes, your ego is getting in the way of your public speaking.  Your ego says that you should worry more about how you look and what people will think about you than the most important thing:  what your message is.

Most speaking fears look like this:

• I’ll look bad
• I hate the sound of my voice
• I shake and my face goes red – everyone will know I’m nervous
• People will discover that I’m not that smart

Fear tends to cause your speeches to come across as weak.  It becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.  You’re scared you’ll blow it and because of being scared, you blow it.

If you can get over your bad self just long enough to realize that what you’ve got to share is not about you at all, it’s about your audience, than you can confidently give a speech that will knock their socks off!

The Shift from Being Fearful to Making a Contribution

A few years ago I was asked to moderate a panel of five successful artists for a Business of Art Seminar.  I was flattered, but terrified at the same.  Being moderator meant that I was the person who opened the seminar with a speech, introduced each speaker, and closed the event by giving a summary to the audience.  It was a big responsibility.

In the days before the seminar I was a wreck.  I feared that I would get so nervous that my white face would turn red for everyone to see my insecurities.  It would be so much easier to fake confidence if it wasn’t written all over my face. 

But I knew that this opportunity was a turning point in my life.  If I could lick this fear, I could do so much more with my knowledge in the business of art that would help so many others.  A few days before the event, after a couple sleepless nights, I was struck with a brilliant shift in thinking that changed everything for me.

It was this:  People were coming to the seminar because they want to learn what we’ve got to teach.  They needed answers, and we had them.  If I could remove the “I” (my ego) from the equation, and focus entirely on “Them” (the audience) and what they will gain, than I could stop worrying about how I look and what will they think of me.

So, I shifted my thinking from “How will I look” to “How can I be a Contribution to them”.  The shift was small, but strong.  My mental focus moved to what was important and by making that focus shift, I forgot about myself and stopped worrying.

Surprisingly, it worked.  Not to say I wasn’t nervous – I still was, but it was manageable because I took my ego out of it.  The seminar went so well that I started teaching my own seminars and continue to this day.

I’m still always nervous for the first few minutes of any speech that I give, but after I start talking, I’m okay.  I continue to remind myself to focus on how I’m helping them, and it takes the “me” out of it.

Here’s a list of tools you can use to help you:

Ten Tools to Get Over the Fear of Public Speaking

1.)Make a shift in your mental focus from “I” to “Them:  Lose your ego and focus on what contribution you can give to the audience to help them.  They won’t notice that you have a crooked nose or your voice is funny if you give them good information!

2.)Remember your Purpose:  The purpose of your speech may be to inform, to share ideas or to motivate the listeners to action.  Remember what your purpose is – it will help you to keep your ego at bay.

3.)Be well prepared:  The more prepared you are, the more natural you’ll feel giving your speech.  Don’t wait until the last minute – practice it at least a dozen times.

4.)Share your Passion:  When you talk about something you’re passionate about, the worlds will flow more naturally from you.

5.)Breathing Exercises:  A few minutes of deep breathing or meditation prior to your speech should help ground you and calm you down.  This really works – try it.

6.)Acceptance:  Accept that you will feel jitters no matter what.  Even the best, most seasoned speakers get nervous.  Trust that after a few minutes of speaking, you’ll relax into it.

7.)Practice, Practice, Practice:  Take on every opportunity to give a talk.  You’ll get better each time you do it.  Begin with small, forgiving audiences.  Volunteer to speak at the local school during career week.  I started giving seminars at a local art store to small groups of 20 artists at a time.  It’s helped me gain the confidence and practice to handle larger audiences.

8.)Join a Toastmasters Organization:  There’s a Toastmasters group in every city in the world.  They meet weekly and are an encouraging place to learn public speaking and leadership skills.  It’s very affordable and you can join for 6 months at a time.

9.)Use Affirmations:  In the days leading up to your speech, spend five minutes each morning repeating affirmations to imbed positive thoughts into your subconscious, such as “I am a confident speaker.  My speech will help people.   I connect deeply with others through sharing.”  Make up your own that will help you.

10.)For the Severely Scared:  Try Hypnosis.  There are hypnotists that specialize in this fear, and I’ve heard that there can be great success with it.

 

Make Your Speech Memorable

So, now that you have a handle on your fear, here are a few techniques that will help you give a good, memorable speech:

Memorize a strong beginning:  Making a strong statement right when you reach the podium will get the audience excited about hearing the rest of your message.

Memorize a powerful ending:  Ending with a powerful statement will allow your speech to end strongly and will avoid an awkward “ummm, thanks, that’s about it.”  End your speech with authority. 

Speak from the Heart:  Try not to use notes.  It’s helpful to have a list of bullet points that you want to cover so you don’t forget anything, but don’t read from a script.  Speak from the heart instead.

Tell A story:  People remember stories and they love to listen to them.  Even if you are talking about something boring such as aluminum siding, you can come up with a great story about someone who had bought aluminum siding and how it changed their life!  Make sure it’s a short story that is interjected in your speech to prove a point.  Your story should have a beginning that draws them in, a middle and an end.

Make them Laugh:  People love to laugh.  Interject some humor to lighten the mood.  I usually poke loving fun at my husband’s bad habits of throwing clothes on the floor like a teenage boy, or at myself for being blonde.  I’m not that funny, so that’s the closest I can come to humor!

Be Yourself:  People want to know who you are. Show them.  Be personal, warm and genuine.  You do this by interjecting personal things into the speech.

Use Eye Contact:  This takes practice, but proper eye contact draws people in and allows you to connect with them.  Take a few seconds to look directly at one person in your audience, as though you are talking directly to them.  Then move onto the next person for a few seconds, and so on.

Never Apologize:  Never apologize for your clothing, your nervousness, or anything.  Your audience is not going to notice unless you point it out to them.

Keep within Time:  Usually there’s a time limit for speakers at events.  Be sure you are respectful of it.  The best way to do this is when you practice your speech at home, time yourself.  If it’s too long, shorten it.

I know from my own experience that anyone can learn to be a good public speaker.  Just like learning to play the piano, it takes practice.  As time goes on you’ll get better and better at it.

Public speaking gives you the freedom to share your ideas and your expertise with the world, while at the same time, earning you great respect in your field.  So go on, make a contribution and spread your ideas!

Maria Brophy

Guest post written by Maria Brophy, self-proclaimed Art Marketing Queen, professional artist’s agent and published author.  Maria writes a blog that helps creative people to design the lifestyle and career of their dreams at http://www.mariabrophy.com.

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